Named after a Joy Division song, Disorder was created seven years ago to showcase current basement-born darkwave/post-punk fusions, including bands like High Functioning Flesh, Black Marble, and Void Vision; even the font of the Disorder fliers, with 3-D effects and primary colors, has all the cool elements of some New Order album art. But now Nickie Tilsner, Disorder's founder and resident DJ, is leaving S.F. for more northern territories.
To say goodbye to Disorder, there is a final show at the Night Light on Friday, February 10, featuring guest DJs Zlaya (Body Rapture/Wire Trap) and Hether Fortune (Wax Idols) with Nickie downstairs. Upstairs features live performances by All Your Sisters, Russell E.L. Butler, Zanna Nera, and Lyfers, with DJ sets from Zer0w0lf.
Before Nickie makes the move to Portland in June, I had to find out more about the history of Disorder and how it all came together. The Upper Haight was eerily empty that early afternoon. I found myself missing the bundles of crusty punks eating pizza and asking for change alongside their hankerchiefed hobo dogs. No one asked if I wanted to buy any weed, let alone did I smell any of its fragrance wafting along the air as I walked to the cafe. There were no wanderers, no listless beatniks, no overjoyous hippies, no studious anarchists. But discussing San Francisco's artistic erosion and dissipation of diversity is no new topic of rage and anger. At this point it's rather a burned-out topic, a disillusionment and a disappointment. So it comes as no surprise when S.F. loses another artistic inspiration in search of greener (and hopefully cheaper) pastures.
Sitting in the window seat at a cafe on Haight and Masonic, and over the loud whir of a juicer, Nickie and I discussed the beginnings, the tribulations, the music, and our badass little community by the bay.
So February 10th is the last one. What are your feelings on all this?
Oh god, it's so weird, I have so many. It's funny, the way this show came about. I wasn't going to do a farewell show. I had been done with Disorder for awhile. School got kind of crazy, so I just put it on hold. But after Ghost Ship I was reaching out to a lot of people and I ran into Jon Lady (Third Shadow/Lyfers) and he and I have always wanted to collaborate together. So after running into him a few weeks after the fire, we decided that we had to do something creative and positive. 'So let's put together a show,' we decided. There are so many different facets to what this show is about. It's about the end of 2016 and what a shit show that was. It's the weekend of Valentine's Day and I'm leaving, so we are celebrating our love of Oakland. It's heavy, but it's really positive, too.
It's going to be a very energetically charged night. So many great players! So, for the record, when did you start Disorder?
It actually started in 2010, the last weekend of September, at Bar 355 in Oakland and I started it with no experience. I didn't know how to DJ, I didn't know how to promote. I didn't know how to book. I just knew I loved music and I had a good record collection and there were no goth nights in Oakland. So, I just did it, having never DJ'd before.
That seems intimidating! Did you only play vinyl?
At first! I would go to Shutter all the time, which was kind of like my favorite night ever, even though I would have to leave before midnight because of BART. So I thought I would start something for all the goth kids in Oakland. So I brought out all my records and played them and It was super fun. I started out doing traditional goth and post-punk and darkwave, and then it kind of became a little more electronic over time. Doing Disorder at 355 didn't last long because I didn't know how to promote and then one night after the show all of my records were stolen. Some of these LP's were things that I have had since I was 13. Like I had a Pink Turns Blue album that was stolen… ahhhhhh [sigh of disdain]. It was pretty heartbreaking, so I stopped for awhile.
Oh no! Did you cry?!
Oh … I BROKE shit. Then I cried. Then I broke shit. It was awful. So then I started working from the laptop, learned some tricks, moved to the city and realized I loved the Knockout (S.F. bar/venue) and I thought, 'I wonder if they'll let us do something there!' So I wrote them and they said yes and they gave me a monthly. This is kind of how I've done this thing from the start.
Putting it out there and waiting to see what catches on.
Yes! Being a real-ass person! Being genuine! And people seem to respond really well to that.
That seems like an ideal way of getting things done! So what were you spinning in the early days?
Pink Turns Blue, The Sound, Joy Division, New Order. Kind of the basic stuff that people like to dance to. Sisters of Mercy, Siouxsie. As I continued doing monthlies and gaining more musical knowledge about what was going on out here in S.F. and out there (East Bay), styles changed, skills changed, and that's where I am at now.
It was kind of perfect timing then when bands like All Your Sisters started coming up.
Yes, perfect timing.
How long were you at the Knockout for? Did you do guest appearances at other venues?
I was at the Knockout for a few years. They had this clause that if I had a monthly night there, I would have to book bands, and I had never booked bands. So I started doing that there. I started reaching out to people that I thought were awesome and asked them to play and 9/10 they would normally say yes! Then I started nursing school and realized, 'Oh, I can't be up late at night any more. I've got to put a hold on this.' So I would do one here and there. I tried to do the Night Light monthly there, but with school I just realized I didn't even have the time for that.
It sounds like it can be time consuming — the promoting, the energy that it takes to prepare.
Making sure that everything goes right and that everyone gets paid well and all of those things. So, yeah, had to put a hold to it and now it's just this big last thing to kind of feel it once again. I really want to before I go. The one thing I am going to miss about the Bay Area is the music scene.
So when you were at the Knockout you had to book bands. All Your Sisters, Drab Majesty, RedRedRed … who else did you have perform?
Oh, man, there were so many! High Functioning Flesh, Eleven Pond, Void Vision, Black Marble, Soft Kill. Everyone that I can think of from Oakland ... like, Pssngrs played a couple times, Wax Idols. Any band that I thought ripped, I called them up and asked if they would play and they would!
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| Drab Majesty |
You brought all the goods! Speaking of that, when you were doing Disorder at the Knockout, you put out a split with Eleven Pond and Drab Majesty. Was that the first record you put out? How did you go about doing that?
Oh, yes! That was the first and only record I put out! Basically, Disorder was named after a Joy Division song and I wanted to do something that Factory Records did: put on a few shows and then release singles of the bands that played. And then I released a single of bands that played and realized how much financial backing you need to run a label. It costs a lot of money to put out a record. But it was super fun and I am glad I did it! I just asked Eleven Pond and they said yes and I was like [pause for excitement] "OH … MY … GOD." Then Drab is on there and everything he does is like gold. So they both sent me tracks and I went to Pirates Press here in S.F. It's a very DIY punk place. Did all the visuals, designs, sent it out, they pressed it and I put it out. Still haven't made my money back, but it's great to have a piece of media in my hands that I helped produce. The weird thing is that I see them being sold on Discogs for like 60 Euros and I still have fucking boxes in my closet of them! It was only one pressing, but there's still some left!
You better get to sellin'!
I'm going to bring some to the show!
I couldn't tell you how many times I listened to that split right after you released it. It was raining that whole month of December and I was listening to it everyday and the person whom I was living with would come home and it would be on and they would be like, "Oh, man, you're listening to that again!?" It was a great time!
Oh, that's awesome! I also have these little mix tapes I used to make for Disorder. I might redo some of those and bring them out. I'm not sure yet.
You should for your last hurrah! Speaking of that, you're moving to Portland. Have you had a chance to dabble with the music scene up there? It's more "metal" up there, right?
Yeah! It's (more focused on) metal and punk. My roots are in punk. I was a punk kid most of my life, so it feels good to go and hear them play punk music, like at Star Bar. There's a place called The Lovecraft bar and every night is a night there: goth, industrial, synth, etc. I have yet to set foot in there, but I hear it's really awesome. I'll be up there soon to check it out. I also have a friend who has a monthly spot that I could guest DJ at, so maybe once I'm up there I can try it out. So, there's a little bit of darkness up there, there's a little bit of a scene.
Maybe you can infiltrate it! The name for Disorder came from a Joy Division song. Tell me more about this, because I am sure there's a story!
Ha! Funny story. So it was my night at 355 and I was still really green and my library wasn't as deep as it is now, so Joy Division was everything to me at that time. So I was thinking, ‘I want to name it after a Joy Division song!.' I was going to call the night Shadow Play, but that was already taken, so I called up my best friend Amy and was like, ‘Look, I need to find a song to name this night so people know what this is about!' and she responded with "DUDE! Disorder!" and that was it. The name just rolled right off the tongue. Plus I study psychiatric pathology, so everything is a Disorder to me, so it works, it's me. It's perfect! Hahaha. Amy is to thank for that!
Were there any specific songs or albums you would always play on your nights?
I would ALWAYS play Cold Cave, Linea Aspera (they're fucking great, plus all of their song lyrics use medical terminology!). My favorite thing to actually do is, towards the end of the night when I'm kind of tipsy and I'll play something totally off, like, I'll drop Gaga or something and people will get really excited.
Yeah! It's surprising and unexpected!
It's kind of my favorite thing to do!
You were saying that when you first started DJing you didn't have any experience, but you just wanted to open up the goth scene in the Oakland area. How was it first learning to DJ? Awkward? Scary? Did it come pretty natural? Were there any moments of "Oh, I fucked up"?
Oh, yes, so many times have I fucked up! But I just had to not have an ego about it.
So, what is a "fuck up" in this situation?
A "fuck up" is when a record is on 45 and it's supposed to be on 33, or when you hit the stop button instead of the go button, or you had too many Old Fashioneds and you just don't start the next record. In the beginning — which I'm sure for those who have been going to Disorder from the beginning can confirm — there were many "moments." But the funny thing is that we all just laughed about it and kept dancing. That's the thing about Disorder that I really liked and that I am proud of: that it's not about ego, it's about the music. So, fuck it if I screw up. That's how you learn. Over time I've gotten better, learned programs, beat matching, and I think it's super fun, but it wasn't necessarily my goal. It just happened over time. I feel pretty comfortable now. I used to get sooooo nervous, but I'm not nervous anymore!
You've worked alongside many rad people doing Disorder. Any specific DJs that you worked with that you have a fondness for?
Favorites, of course, are Omar and Nako. They did Shutter back in the day. Omar is an encyclopedia with any genre. You throw something at him and he will knock it out of the park, he's amazing. Marco Misfailed is another favorite. He and I have collaborated on a lot of things and he's really great. Kevin, who does Dark Room, he's one of my favorite loves and has really been supportive of me and Disorder and has helped me out a lot and collaborated with me. I love Aja Vision, she's awesome, love her. Otherwise, other people who I look up to and haven't really worked with are Marco De La Vega (everything he does is awesome), Sky Madden, and that whole crew (they do really great shit, too). I never really got a chance to play with them, but I went to all their stuff as often as I could.
At this point how do you feel about leaving the city, since you've been here since you grew up here and you're so involved in the music scene here?
It's loaded, man. I grew up in the Mission District, with a goth mom in alternative underground warehouse spaces and venues. She was a bartender. Music and art everywhere. We are the only ones still living in the city out of that group from my childhood. I used to have this perception that you would have to pull this city from my cold dead hands. I'm going to stay forever, this is it. My roots. Then one day recently, when my boyfriend was looking for a place down here and it was just not really working out, the blinders sort of came off. I started looking around and began to realize why was I staying here? For what? I don't recognize my city anymore. At all. It's a struggle to stay here. For instance, I make really good money with the business I run, but I have nothing in savings and I don't want to live like that anymore. It's time and it's sad. There was this last little vestige of hope that I had, that S.F. would be a "thing" again and it's not. Oakland is still badass, I love it there, but in Portland I'll be closer to my partner and tuition for school is cheaper. My kid can have a yard and a dog and it's creative. It's not as diverse — and I will lament that loss for sure. Otherwise, fuck, you know, I'm alright with it. I'm definitely going to come back down and do some "one-offs" here and there.
So what is your advice for someone who wants to start a night or wants to start to DJ?
First of all, the most important thing is to be a fucking human being. Honestly, don't fall into that trap of thinking that being a DJ makes you the coolest person on Earth and that you are actually "running" something. This is actually all about the artist that actually makes music. You are just playing THEIR music for other people to listen to it. So don't get some attitude about it. As long as you are sincere and you know what you want and you have a clear vision, just tell people what it is and they will be receptive to it. If you come up all being "puffed up" and "oh I'm the shit," it's not going to work very well for you.
Oh, gross!
It is! Unfortunately, a lot of people fall into that trap. Luckily in S.F. it's not really like that. If you want to book bands, just get a hold of them, and if you really want to do well, make sure everyone gets paid well. I never paid myself for Disorder actually. I just gave it all to the artists. You have to have a passion for what you do and you have to practice. For vinyl, it's a skill and it takes time. Get a mixer and put it in your bedroom and practice before you play out. I wish I would have done that! But, really, just be a good person. Be honest. Let go of your ego. Life goes really well that way.
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| The sound of the crowd..... |
Any last thoughts for us?
This [interview] has made me think a lot about my life and music and what has transpired in the last seven years. I just really wanted to say thank you to those who came out and played and became my friends. The friendships that I've made through Disorder and this scene are really amazing. It wouldn't have been easy for me if I wasn't in the Bay Area. But all the chips were right in front of me and all I had to do was put them together. As long as there are artists in Oakland, keep it up! Keep being freaky weirdos and loving each other.
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